DD (7/28/11): German Jelly Donuts, Gas Station Fun, and Star Gazing Mosquito Party

I had a pretty boring first half of my day. I woke up, ate food, and fell asleep for hours…yet again…so that’s not new. I’m at the point where I need to just stop talking about it since it’s a given for me at this point. It’s like me finding it important to mention performing a typical daily routine like brushing my teeth, eating food, or putting on clothes after I receive complaints from neighbors…

JFK…great speech:

Before I left to workout for the day, I had to listen to a JFK speech for class. I fell asleep, again…but I woke up in time to hear about how people thought he was saying, “Jelly Donut” in German by mistake or something. Whatever. I was more concerned with my unusual crush on the teacher in my class videos, who is olderish, has bad hair, and wears a pant suit. Apparently I’m all about the pant suits, ladies…just throwing that out there…..

My fun 40 minutes at the gas station:

Nothing pisses me off more at the gym…NOTHING…than when there are PLENTY of other hoops to shoot at, yet someone decides they just HAVE to shoot on mine for some reason. This is gym etiquette, people…to NOT do that. I know you want to shoot on the hoop where all of the cardio girls can look at you and whatnot…but seriously…stop being so selfish.

What’s even worse is when I give people my “passive aggressive” test. This is when I passively aggressively (hence the name) stand underneath the hoop to do a couple of slow release shots (practicing my form) to see if they have the balls to shoot on MY hoop when I’m standing DIRECTLY underneath it.This is me basically saying to them, “Hey…I’m practicing on this hoop and want you to go to that other one over there so I can do lay-ups without having to worry about your ball smacking me in the face.” Now if the gym was crowded…all bets would be off. Then I’D be the punk. But no. Not in this instance. There’s an open hoop RIGHT OVER THERE!

Sure enough…he didn’t care. He just shot it when I was looking up at my ball go through the hoop and almost get smacked in the face. Fine. Whatever. I could’ve just gone to the other hoop…but that would be enabling him. As time went on…even when I wasn’t performing my passive aggressive test…he would still shoot the ball as I’m getting my rebound right underneath the hoops…with my face completely defenseless. I cannot emphasize enough how DOUCHY that is. Nothing makes me more upset while playing basketball. Nothing.

And for the record, after dummy left, ANOTHER guy came and decided to shoot on my hoop as (I’m very possessive, if you haven’t noticed…). He got the hint though and switched hoops after a few shots. I have a certain type intimidating “get lost” look to my face if you don’t know me or have ever heard me talk before. Otherwise if you have, it loses all of its effect. Or if you’re just a dumb, inconsiderate POC…then it also loses all effect.

My fun 40 minutes at the gas station:

So then coolest thing happened to me. Normally after I workout, I stop by my favorite Holiday gas station. Today was no different….but here’s what WAS different…

After I parked and was existing my car, a beautiful girl was walking into the store. And just like I normally do around attractive ladies, I became incomprehensibly stupid, right on cue. What happened was that I locked myself out of my car. Yep. Just grabbed my wallet, hit the lock button, and slammed my door shut. The keys? Eff em, apparently.

I immediately realized the error of my ways and pressed my disappointed face against the window to see them lying there on the passenger seat. Now here’s the cool (yet completely kind of sad)…I wasn’t even upset. I didn’t bat an eyelash. This is such a typical occurrence for me. So much so that the initial anger one might feel after locking themselves out of their car wasn’t even there. Imagine dropping your wallet on the ground, saying, “Whoops,” picking it up again, and carrying on as if nothing happened. Well that’s what it’s like for me to lock myself out of my car. My mind has been conditioned to handle failure in this way…

Ok…now it’s time for some trivia. If you lock yourself out of your car…which is more important to grab before locking yourself out?

A) Your Wallet

B) Your Phone

Answer….A) Your Wallet.

Unless you’re stuck in the middle of Iowa or downtown Detroit, you’re gonna wanna be able to buy crap while you wait for someone to bring you the spare key (thanks, mom…). And lucky for me…these days, gas stations are basically mini versions of Wal-Mart. So I had plenty of fun things to choose from. But being the boring kind of guy that I am, I only bought my typical sugar free energy drinks and a protein bar since I had just done a workout and didn’t get a meal in yet. And believe me…if I had to wait another 15 minutes to get my protein in….stuff would’ve gone down. Just….stuff….

So I returned to my car and tried to look as cool as I could by leaning against it eating my food, but it’s kind of hard to look cool while dripping sweat, wearing crocs, sandals, baggy shorts, and a sweater in 80+ degree weather. I dress scantily at the gym…so I wanted to cover up in fear of looking stupid…but it turns out I looked even stupider trying not to look stupid. Hello. My name is Torrey. This is who I am.

Afterwards, I decided that I also wanted a banana. Let me tell you something…there’s nothing more embarrassing than buying JUST a banana with a credit card. Minutes later I returned to purchase pen and paper so I could write down this very diary entry you’re currently reading. Anyway, I’m fairly positive I hold the official Holiday record for most consecutive purchases within a 5 minute span (or at least the most ‘dumb’ consecutive purchases). I’m slightly tempted to buy that box of drugs sitting over there just to guarantee the record’s truly mine. I don’t know what they do, but half the fun is finding out after you pop them in.

This pen is strangely greasy…

Anywho, I suppose that’s all for now. It’s actually not so bad in here. Cool, peaceful, the workers in here are like a 3rd family to me since I’m in here to buy energy drinks all the time (I need serious help…), and plus I can spy on everyone outside. In fact, I’ve literally been looking up every few seconds to make sure no one steals the second energy drink that I ended up placing on top of my car. I didn’t want to bring it back inside after purchasing it in fear of someone thinking I was a thief. Given my luck today…did you really think I was going to risk it….?

Star gazing…with my friends…the mosquitos.

I went star-gazing for my astronomy class later on in the night. I have NEVER been bit more within a 30 minute span in my entire LIFE. I had bite welts all over my body. They bit me through my shirt. They absolutely ADORED my eyeballs. I was flinching hours afterwards even after I was inside again.

But on the plus side, I saw the Big Dipper.

Worth it? No.

Boom. There it is. All without going outside. You’re welcome.


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